Lily Evans (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lilium_evansiae) wrote2011-01-16 07:51 am
lilium_evansiae) wrote2011-01-16 07:51 am
Entry tags:
Library and Corridor , 27 March 1976
She's let this go a week longer than she knows she should have.
It's just that she likes Jeremy, she really does, just not the way she should if she's going to be dating him.
Though she also likes dating him, though not for the reasons she knows she should. She likes dating him because it's ... it's restful. Maybe even soothing. He doesn't ask much of her, and it's like sanctuary or some kind of oasis from everything else going on in her life. He smiles when he sees her, every morning from the Ravenclaw table. And he's perfectly content to kiss her hello and then sit across a table from her in the library and study in silence for an hour or two. Or to walk around the castle or the grounds and talk about books, tell her stories about the bookshop, listen to her talk about the books her father fills their house with.
But those aren't reasons to date someone. Or maybe they are, but they're pretty selfish reasons to date someone.
In short, she's using him, and she knows it.
And that's not the kind of person she wants to be.
So today, she meets him in the library during free period, as planned, but she's brought none of her books with her, because she won't be staying to study.
Jeremy looks up when he hears her coming, smiles the way he always does, and for one moment Lily feels like she's about to drown a kitten. And then Jeremy notices her empty hands and frowns.
"Did you forget your books?" he asks.
Lily shakes her head. "No. D'you mind if we go for a walk?"
Because she is not about to break up with Jeremy in front of the glareful eye of Amity Root.
"Sure," Jeremy says, easily enough if faintly puzzled. He closed his books, puts them and his parchment and his pen back into his bag, and Lily wishes he would just hurry up, just let her get this over with so she can go get back to feeling horrible about the whole thing with a clear conscience.
"Is something wrong?" he asks, when they've reached the corridor.
"Jeremy, I ... " she says, and then stops. Because for all she thought about this, she still has no idea what to actually say.
"It's all right," he says, quietly.
She stops walking and looks at him. "What's all right?"
"That you're breaking up with me," he says. "That is what you're trying to do, isn't it?"
"Jeremy ... "
He leans down and kisses her once, very gently. "It's all right," he says, again.
"I think you might be kindest person I've ever known, Jeremy, but I just don't ... I don't feel about you the way I should. I'm so sorry. I really wish ... "
"Lily," he says, shaking his head. "It's okay. Really."
"Thank you," she says. "For everything. One day you're going to meet a girl and you're going to tell her about me and she's going to tell you I was an idiot, and when she does, you really ought to agree with her."
"Maybe I will," Jeremy says, with a sad little smile. "You should go now."
Lily nods. "Yeah. Good-bye, Jeremy."
"Good-bye, Lily."
It's just that she likes Jeremy, she really does, just not the way she should if she's going to be dating him.
Though she also likes dating him, though not for the reasons she knows she should. She likes dating him because it's ... it's restful. Maybe even soothing. He doesn't ask much of her, and it's like sanctuary or some kind of oasis from everything else going on in her life. He smiles when he sees her, every morning from the Ravenclaw table. And he's perfectly content to kiss her hello and then sit across a table from her in the library and study in silence for an hour or two. Or to walk around the castle or the grounds and talk about books, tell her stories about the bookshop, listen to her talk about the books her father fills their house with.
But those aren't reasons to date someone. Or maybe they are, but they're pretty selfish reasons to date someone.
In short, she's using him, and she knows it.
And that's not the kind of person she wants to be.
So today, she meets him in the library during free period, as planned, but she's brought none of her books with her, because she won't be staying to study.
Jeremy looks up when he hears her coming, smiles the way he always does, and for one moment Lily feels like she's about to drown a kitten. And then Jeremy notices her empty hands and frowns.
"Did you forget your books?" he asks.
Lily shakes her head. "No. D'you mind if we go for a walk?"
Because she is not about to break up with Jeremy in front of the glareful eye of Amity Root.
"Sure," Jeremy says, easily enough if faintly puzzled. He closed his books, puts them and his parchment and his pen back into his bag, and Lily wishes he would just hurry up, just let her get this over with so she can go get back to feeling horrible about the whole thing with a clear conscience.
"Is something wrong?" he asks, when they've reached the corridor.
"Jeremy, I ... " she says, and then stops. Because for all she thought about this, she still has no idea what to actually say.
"It's all right," he says, quietly.
She stops walking and looks at him. "What's all right?"
"That you're breaking up with me," he says. "That is what you're trying to do, isn't it?"
"Jeremy ... "
He leans down and kisses her once, very gently. "It's all right," he says, again.
"I think you might be kindest person I've ever known, Jeremy, but I just don't ... I don't feel about you the way I should. I'm so sorry. I really wish ... "
"Lily," he says, shaking his head. "It's okay. Really."
"Thank you," she says. "For everything. One day you're going to meet a girl and you're going to tell her about me and she's going to tell you I was an idiot, and when she does, you really ought to agree with her."
"Maybe I will," Jeremy says, with a sad little smile. "You should go now."
Lily nods. "Yeah. Good-bye, Jeremy."
"Good-bye, Lily."