Lily Evans (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lilium_evansiae) wrote2012-03-20 10:32 pm
lilium_evansiae) wrote2012-03-20 10:32 pm
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30 March 1977, Gryffindor Common Room
Something is very wrong in Marauderland.
James and Black haven't spoken to each other since James' birthday. Peter has been going around with a nervous expression (not totally unlike the one worn by a kid whose parents are fighting). Remus seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time in the library, and she's starting to think he's deliberately avoiding her, too.
Of course, Lily is still less than completely well-pleased with any of them (especially Black). But this is not the natural order of things, and she'd have to be incredibly stupid not to realize that she's at the center of it, whether she wants to be or not.
"You look like you think I'm here to slap you," she tells Remus on Tuesday evening, sitting down at his table in the library without asking.
Remus looks down at the table and then back to her. "I wouldn't exactly blame you if you did."
"If I didn't slap James, I'm not going to slap you," Lily says.
Remus smiles a little. "What about Sirius?"
"Haven't decided yet," Lily says. She's mostly kidding.
Mostly.
"Still," Remus says, "I'm very sorry for my part in what happened. We all should have known better."
"Thank you," Lily says.
"I know you know this," Remus says, "but James knows how lucky he is."
Lily almost laughs. "Thank you," she says again. "How are things, with the four of you?"
She could ask James -- she has asked James -- but she'd like the impression from someone slightly removed from the blast site.
Remus shrugs a little. "A little cool."
"How much of an understatement is that?"
"A pretty significant one," Remus admits.
"I just don't understand why Black did what he did," Lily says. "I mean, I understand why he did it to me; he doesn't like me. I don't understand why he did it to James."
Remus sighs. "It's not that he doesn't like you, it's that he's scared of you. Or, I guess, he'd scared of what you represent."
"And what's that?"
"Lily, nothing in six years has ever taken James' time or attention away from us -- from Sirius -- the way you do."
"I'm not trying to take James away from any of you."
"I know that," Remus says. "But the simple fact of the matter is, well, sometimes you do. I'm not saying that you shouldn't. I mean, you're his girlfriend, you're entitled to some evenings and lunches with James. But I think Sirius worries that you could take all of James' time if you wanted. And that scares him. And even at the best of times, Sirius doesn't always think things through to their logical conclusion before he does them." Remus looks down for a moment, and Lily gets the feeling that they're not just talking about her and James' birthday any more.
"He doesn't always see what comes after the brilliant idea he thinks he's had," Remus continues. "It just doesn't occur to him that there will be repercussions, especially not if they'd be for people other than him. Sometimes I think ... I'm not sure anyone ever told Sirius where the lines you don't cross are, that there are things that are just beyond what you do, that there are limits. He didn't mean for James to get hurt. I don't think he even really meant for you to get hurt. I think he just wanted what he wanted, and he didn't think further than that."
"So he's six," Lily says, and Remus laughs.
"In a lot of ways, yeah. He's six."
It's not anything she hasn't kind of already worked out for herself, but it's nice to have someone else's opinion. Especially someone who knows everyone involved better than she does.
She's going to have to have a talk with James' best friend. She knows that.
But it takes her another day to actually go looking for him.
She finds him sprawled on a couch in the common room, flipping through a Quidditch magazine and managing to project that aura of Any second now, I will realize how bored I am and how boring all of you are and I will go some place where everyone is much more interesting and fabulous, and where I will realize that I am still bored and they are still boring because I am Sirius Black and the rest of the world isn't.
Lily's never been a fan of it.
But James is at tea with Dumbledore, and Peter and Remus aren't around, so it's probably as good a time as any to talk to Black.
Not that she knows what she's going to say, even after thinking about it since she talked to Remus.
But she'll figure it out, right?
"Black, have you got a minute?"
James and Black haven't spoken to each other since James' birthday. Peter has been going around with a nervous expression (not totally unlike the one worn by a kid whose parents are fighting). Remus seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time in the library, and she's starting to think he's deliberately avoiding her, too.
Of course, Lily is still less than completely well-pleased with any of them (especially Black). But this is not the natural order of things, and she'd have to be incredibly stupid not to realize that she's at the center of it, whether she wants to be or not.
"You look like you think I'm here to slap you," she tells Remus on Tuesday evening, sitting down at his table in the library without asking.
Remus looks down at the table and then back to her. "I wouldn't exactly blame you if you did."
"If I didn't slap James, I'm not going to slap you," Lily says.
Remus smiles a little. "What about Sirius?"
"Haven't decided yet," Lily says. She's mostly kidding.
Mostly.
"Still," Remus says, "I'm very sorry for my part in what happened. We all should have known better."
"Thank you," Lily says.
"I know you know this," Remus says, "but James knows how lucky he is."
Lily almost laughs. "Thank you," she says again. "How are things, with the four of you?"
She could ask James -- she has asked James -- but she'd like the impression from someone slightly removed from the blast site.
Remus shrugs a little. "A little cool."
"How much of an understatement is that?"
"A pretty significant one," Remus admits.
"I just don't understand why Black did what he did," Lily says. "I mean, I understand why he did it to me; he doesn't like me. I don't understand why he did it to James."
Remus sighs. "It's not that he doesn't like you, it's that he's scared of you. Or, I guess, he'd scared of what you represent."
"And what's that?"
"Lily, nothing in six years has ever taken James' time or attention away from us -- from Sirius -- the way you do."
"I'm not trying to take James away from any of you."
"I know that," Remus says. "But the simple fact of the matter is, well, sometimes you do. I'm not saying that you shouldn't. I mean, you're his girlfriend, you're entitled to some evenings and lunches with James. But I think Sirius worries that you could take all of James' time if you wanted. And that scares him. And even at the best of times, Sirius doesn't always think things through to their logical conclusion before he does them." Remus looks down for a moment, and Lily gets the feeling that they're not just talking about her and James' birthday any more.
"He doesn't always see what comes after the brilliant idea he thinks he's had," Remus continues. "It just doesn't occur to him that there will be repercussions, especially not if they'd be for people other than him. Sometimes I think ... I'm not sure anyone ever told Sirius where the lines you don't cross are, that there are things that are just beyond what you do, that there are limits. He didn't mean for James to get hurt. I don't think he even really meant for you to get hurt. I think he just wanted what he wanted, and he didn't think further than that."
"So he's six," Lily says, and Remus laughs.
"In a lot of ways, yeah. He's six."
It's not anything she hasn't kind of already worked out for herself, but it's nice to have someone else's opinion. Especially someone who knows everyone involved better than she does.
She's going to have to have a talk with James' best friend. She knows that.
But it takes her another day to actually go looking for him.
She finds him sprawled on a couch in the common room, flipping through a Quidditch magazine and managing to project that aura of Any second now, I will realize how bored I am and how boring all of you are and I will go some place where everyone is much more interesting and fabulous, and where I will realize that I am still bored and they are still boring because I am Sirius Black and the rest of the world isn't.
Lily's never been a fan of it.
But James is at tea with Dumbledore, and Peter and Remus aren't around, so it's probably as good a time as any to talk to Black.
Not that she knows what she's going to say, even after thinking about it since she talked to Remus.
But she'll figure it out, right?
"Black, have you got a minute?"
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He isn't sure what to think of that.
Pleasant as it was.
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Lily glances over at Black, and then back to her boyfriend.
"James, d'you want to go for a walk?"
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"A walk sounds brilliant," he says. "Then I can tell you about the weird tea experience I had."
He laughs a little.
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Though she has some things she wants to talk to him about, too.
"Black," she says, by way of good-bye.
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a) look up from his magazine
b) say anything aloud.
He is well aware of the fact that when Evans and Prongs leave, his best friend doesn't actually say anything, though.
Well, for fuck's sake.
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"Um. Lily? Why exactly did I find you and Sirius in the same close vicinity, anyway?"
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"How long are you planning to freeze him out, James?"
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Anyway.
"I don't know," he answers. "I haven't really made up my mind about it yet."
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"And I know that doesn't make what he did okay, but ... he's still your best friend."
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"I just ... don't know. It's been easier, maybe, to be angry at him."
In a way, it's to make up for all those months of Sirius' sulkiness and bad moods too.
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"You told me, once, that you knew what it was to have a best friend.
"I know what it is to lose one.
"And I don't ever what that to happen to you."
Because it's more or less utterly awful.
Lily leans up to kiss his cheek.
"And I'll stop meddling now."
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"Why d'you have to be so smart?" he asks, smiling.
He kisses the top of her head.
"You're right. I know you're right. I can't stay mad at him forever, anyway.
"Thank you, Lily."
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"And you're welcome."
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"Well, that makes us quite the pair then, doesn't it?"
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"And we're alone in this hallway, so I think you should probably kiss me now."
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She has to fit the words in between kisses, but James doesn't mind, right?
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