Lily Evans (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lilium_evansiae) wrote2012-03-20 10:32 pm
lilium_evansiae) wrote2012-03-20 10:32 pm
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30 March 1977, Gryffindor Common Room
Something is very wrong in Marauderland.
James and Black haven't spoken to each other since James' birthday. Peter has been going around with a nervous expression (not totally unlike the one worn by a kid whose parents are fighting). Remus seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time in the library, and she's starting to think he's deliberately avoiding her, too.
Of course, Lily is still less than completely well-pleased with any of them (especially Black). But this is not the natural order of things, and she'd have to be incredibly stupid not to realize that she's at the center of it, whether she wants to be or not.
"You look like you think I'm here to slap you," she tells Remus on Tuesday evening, sitting down at his table in the library without asking.
Remus looks down at the table and then back to her. "I wouldn't exactly blame you if you did."
"If I didn't slap James, I'm not going to slap you," Lily says.
Remus smiles a little. "What about Sirius?"
"Haven't decided yet," Lily says. She's mostly kidding.
Mostly.
"Still," Remus says, "I'm very sorry for my part in what happened. We all should have known better."
"Thank you," Lily says.
"I know you know this," Remus says, "but James knows how lucky he is."
Lily almost laughs. "Thank you," she says again. "How are things, with the four of you?"
She could ask James -- she has asked James -- but she'd like the impression from someone slightly removed from the blast site.
Remus shrugs a little. "A little cool."
"How much of an understatement is that?"
"A pretty significant one," Remus admits.
"I just don't understand why Black did what he did," Lily says. "I mean, I understand why he did it to me; he doesn't like me. I don't understand why he did it to James."
Remus sighs. "It's not that he doesn't like you, it's that he's scared of you. Or, I guess, he'd scared of what you represent."
"And what's that?"
"Lily, nothing in six years has ever taken James' time or attention away from us -- from Sirius -- the way you do."
"I'm not trying to take James away from any of you."
"I know that," Remus says. "But the simple fact of the matter is, well, sometimes you do. I'm not saying that you shouldn't. I mean, you're his girlfriend, you're entitled to some evenings and lunches with James. But I think Sirius worries that you could take all of James' time if you wanted. And that scares him. And even at the best of times, Sirius doesn't always think things through to their logical conclusion before he does them." Remus looks down for a moment, and Lily gets the feeling that they're not just talking about her and James' birthday any more.
"He doesn't always see what comes after the brilliant idea he thinks he's had," Remus continues. "It just doesn't occur to him that there will be repercussions, especially not if they'd be for people other than him. Sometimes I think ... I'm not sure anyone ever told Sirius where the lines you don't cross are, that there are things that are just beyond what you do, that there are limits. He didn't mean for James to get hurt. I don't think he even really meant for you to get hurt. I think he just wanted what he wanted, and he didn't think further than that."
"So he's six," Lily says, and Remus laughs.
"In a lot of ways, yeah. He's six."
It's not anything she hasn't kind of already worked out for herself, but it's nice to have someone else's opinion. Especially someone who knows everyone involved better than she does.
She's going to have to have a talk with James' best friend. She knows that.
But it takes her another day to actually go looking for him.
She finds him sprawled on a couch in the common room, flipping through a Quidditch magazine and managing to project that aura of Any second now, I will realize how bored I am and how boring all of you are and I will go some place where everyone is much more interesting and fabulous, and where I will realize that I am still bored and they are still boring because I am Sirius Black and the rest of the world isn't.
Lily's never been a fan of it.
But James is at tea with Dumbledore, and Peter and Remus aren't around, so it's probably as good a time as any to talk to Black.
Not that she knows what she's going to say, even after thinking about it since she talked to Remus.
But she'll figure it out, right?
"Black, have you got a minute?"
James and Black haven't spoken to each other since James' birthday. Peter has been going around with a nervous expression (not totally unlike the one worn by a kid whose parents are fighting). Remus seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time in the library, and she's starting to think he's deliberately avoiding her, too.
Of course, Lily is still less than completely well-pleased with any of them (especially Black). But this is not the natural order of things, and she'd have to be incredibly stupid not to realize that she's at the center of it, whether she wants to be or not.
"You look like you think I'm here to slap you," she tells Remus on Tuesday evening, sitting down at his table in the library without asking.
Remus looks down at the table and then back to her. "I wouldn't exactly blame you if you did."
"If I didn't slap James, I'm not going to slap you," Lily says.
Remus smiles a little. "What about Sirius?"
"Haven't decided yet," Lily says. She's mostly kidding.
Mostly.
"Still," Remus says, "I'm very sorry for my part in what happened. We all should have known better."
"Thank you," Lily says.
"I know you know this," Remus says, "but James knows how lucky he is."
Lily almost laughs. "Thank you," she says again. "How are things, with the four of you?"
She could ask James -- she has asked James -- but she'd like the impression from someone slightly removed from the blast site.
Remus shrugs a little. "A little cool."
"How much of an understatement is that?"
"A pretty significant one," Remus admits.
"I just don't understand why Black did what he did," Lily says. "I mean, I understand why he did it to me; he doesn't like me. I don't understand why he did it to James."
Remus sighs. "It's not that he doesn't like you, it's that he's scared of you. Or, I guess, he'd scared of what you represent."
"And what's that?"
"Lily, nothing in six years has ever taken James' time or attention away from us -- from Sirius -- the way you do."
"I'm not trying to take James away from any of you."
"I know that," Remus says. "But the simple fact of the matter is, well, sometimes you do. I'm not saying that you shouldn't. I mean, you're his girlfriend, you're entitled to some evenings and lunches with James. But I think Sirius worries that you could take all of James' time if you wanted. And that scares him. And even at the best of times, Sirius doesn't always think things through to their logical conclusion before he does them." Remus looks down for a moment, and Lily gets the feeling that they're not just talking about her and James' birthday any more.
"He doesn't always see what comes after the brilliant idea he thinks he's had," Remus continues. "It just doesn't occur to him that there will be repercussions, especially not if they'd be for people other than him. Sometimes I think ... I'm not sure anyone ever told Sirius where the lines you don't cross are, that there are things that are just beyond what you do, that there are limits. He didn't mean for James to get hurt. I don't think he even really meant for you to get hurt. I think he just wanted what he wanted, and he didn't think further than that."
"So he's six," Lily says, and Remus laughs.
"In a lot of ways, yeah. He's six."
It's not anything she hasn't kind of already worked out for herself, but it's nice to have someone else's opinion. Especially someone who knows everyone involved better than she does.
She's going to have to have a talk with James' best friend. She knows that.
But it takes her another day to actually go looking for him.
She finds him sprawled on a couch in the common room, flipping through a Quidditch magazine and managing to project that aura of Any second now, I will realize how bored I am and how boring all of you are and I will go some place where everyone is much more interesting and fabulous, and where I will realize that I am still bored and they are still boring because I am Sirius Black and the rest of the world isn't.
Lily's never been a fan of it.
But James is at tea with Dumbledore, and Peter and Remus aren't around, so it's probably as good a time as any to talk to Black.
Not that she knows what she's going to say, even after thinking about it since she talked to Remus.
But she'll figure it out, right?
"Black, have you got a minute?"
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"I'm not the one who tried to make this into some kind of contest."
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But he's not sure that's going to work on Evans.
Annoying as she might be, she is sharp as a tack, and he'd be stupid to overlook that.
So he shrugs, instead.
"I was just trying to remind him that before you finally said 'yes' to him, he used to have a good time with his friends. He used to be —"
Just like him.
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"You know, if I actually were out to do what you seem to think I'm out to do, and make pick between me and you, you'd have done an awful lot of the work for me Sunday. So the fact that I'm here, trying work things out with you, should tell you something.
"Because I don't have any interest in making this some kind of contest for James. I can't actually think of a cruel thing to do to him than make him pick between his girlfriend and his best friend.
"But if you insist on making this a contest, Black? I won't have any intention of losing it."
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Sirius frowns.
One might even say he grumps a bit.
He crosses his arms.
"Why do you bloody care so much anyway? You hated James for ages; thought he was arrogant and horrible and all that. What could have possibly changed to make you come up to me to say all this rubbish when you're just going to dump him eventually anyway?"
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"I grew up, he grew up. He stopped being quite so arrogant. I stopped being quite so judgmental about every little thing he did.
"We actually talked, and he listened when I was talking about things that mattered to me. He did things just because I asked him to. I ran into him at the end of the universe.
"I spent a year trying to hold things together with a friend who ultimately let me down in every way he possibly could have and at the end of all of that, the person who was there was James."
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And says nothing.
He really hadn't expected Lily to tell him that she was at fault, too.
He really didn't want her to, because it'd make it all the easier to tell her how wrong she is for him.
(He still thinks that, but it's a little more difficult to explain why.)
"I told him to give up on you," he finds himself saying. "I told him you were never going to give him the answer he wanted because he's just not your type."
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"But, yeah. I'd have told my best friend to give up, too.
"That's not James' style, though, is it?
"And, anyway, he was right. I did finally say 'yes.' And you don't have to like that, but you do have to accept it. Because you can't change it. And I don't have any plans to dump James."
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He slumps back down against the cushions of the couch, ready to do a good bout of sulking.
"You're right about one thing, though. My opinion of you isn't all that high."
In fact, he really just doesn't like her.
"But if you're not planning on dumping him, then I suppose I haven't got a choice in the matter, do I? James is my best mate, and that isn't going to change either."
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"But the one thing we have in common, aside from Gryffindor, is that we both think pretty highly of James.
"So I'll make you a deal, Black.
"I'll try to see what the hell he sees in you, if you'll try to see what the hell he sees in me.
"And we won't put him in the middle in the meantime."
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He considers it with a great deal of thought, like maybe Evans is trying to trick him somehow, to 'win' this, as it were.
But ...
He can't quite see the trick.
He's a Marauder, and he can't quite see the trick.
So, he nods with some amount of reluctance.
"Yeah, all right," he says. "Whatever problems you and I have, we won't put James in the middle of it.
"You might have to tell him to stop ignoring me, though, because he still won't talk to me."
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And there is no trick.
"Deal then," Lily says, offering him back his magazine.
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... right.
Is he supposed to do something like ... engage in conversation? Or can he go back to pretending he hadn't just had an awkward conversation with James' girlfriend?
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And ... alternatively, the dark hair of his best friend, whom he is pretending doesn't actually exist right now.
"Lily," he calls.
Yes. Only Lily. No Sirius.
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"Hello, James."
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He rolls his eyes only slightly, from behind his magazine, and goes back to reading the interview with Wimbourne Wasp's Arthur Skelton.
Thank goodness for the diversion, but really, James?
Ignoring him completely?
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He isn't sure what to think of that.
Pleasant as it was.
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Lily glances over at Black, and then back to her boyfriend.
"James, d'you want to go for a walk?"
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"A walk sounds brilliant," he says. "Then I can tell you about the weird tea experience I had."
He laughs a little.
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Though she has some things she wants to talk to him about, too.
"Black," she says, by way of good-bye.
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a) look up from his magazine
b) say anything aloud.
He is well aware of the fact that when Evans and Prongs leave, his best friend doesn't actually say anything, though.
Well, for fuck's sake.
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"Um. Lily? Why exactly did I find you and Sirius in the same close vicinity, anyway?"
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"How long are you planning to freeze him out, James?"
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Anyway.
"I don't know," he answers. "I haven't really made up my mind about it yet."
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"And I know that doesn't make what he did okay, but ... he's still your best friend."
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"I just ... don't know. It's been easier, maybe, to be angry at him."
In a way, it's to make up for all those months of Sirius' sulkiness and bad moods too.
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"You told me, once, that you knew what it was to have a best friend.
"I know what it is to lose one.
"And I don't ever what that to happen to you."
Because it's more or less utterly awful.
Lily leans up to kiss his cheek.
"And I'll stop meddling now."
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"Why d'you have to be so smart?" he asks, smiling.
He kisses the top of her head.
"You're right. I know you're right. I can't stay mad at him forever, anyway.
"Thank you, Lily."
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"And you're welcome."
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"Well, that makes us quite the pair then, doesn't it?"
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"And we're alone in this hallway, so I think you should probably kiss me now."
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She has to fit the words in between kisses, but James doesn't mind, right?
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